What to Expect
All parents dream of a wonderful relationship between their
children, but disagreements are unavoidable between siblings.
Children are likely to fight over toys and tease one another.
Despite a parent's best efforts, sibling rivalry is a natural part
of growing up. Here's a guide of what to expect and when:
Under age 4
Sibling rivalry can be at its worst when both children are under
4 years of age -- especially when they are less than three years
apart. Children under the age of 4 depend on their parents a great
deal and have a very hard time sharing them with siblings.
Age 4 and up
Competition between brothers and sisters can heat up as they grow
older -- usually at its worst between ages 8 and 12. Siblings who
are close in age or who have many of the same interests tend to
compete more.
The older child vs. the younger child
As the younger child grows older and develops more skills and
talents, the older child may feel threatened, embarrassed, or "shown
up" by the younger one. This can lead to unnecessary competition or
aggression from the older child.
Meanwhile, the younger child tends to become jealous about the
privileges his big brother or sister gets as he or she gets older.
An older sibling's competitiveness and aggression that arises as the
younger one grows and develops can come as a surprise to the younger
child and lead to returned hostility.
It's important not to get too upset when your children are
jealous of each other, especially if the older child is a
preschooler. It takes time for a youngster to learn that his parents
do not love him any less because they have another child to love.
6 Ways to Manage Conflicts
Here are six ways to handle conflict between your children:
1. Allow your older child to help care for the younger one.
Helping to feed a baby or change a diaper can strengthen the
relationship between siblings. Encourage your child to be proud to
be a big brother or big sister.
2. Don't compare your children in front of them. Avoid
pointing out your children's differences in front of them. Your
child might interpret comparison as criticism and may think that
he's not as good or as loved as his sibling.
3. Stay out of your children's arguments. You may have to
step in and settle a spat between toddlers or preschoolers, but
older children will probably settle an argument themselves if left
alone. If your children try to involve you, explain that they're
both responsible for creating the problem and for ending it. Don't
take sides.
4. Let your children know that violence is unacceptable.
Make sure your children are made aware that you will not stand
for any violence between them. Praise your children when they solve
their arguments peacefully.
5. Don't punish one child in front of the other. When it's
necessary to punish or scold your child, do it alone in a quite,
private place. Scolding him in front of another child can lead to
his being teased.
6. Set aside areas for each child. Give your children --
especially the older one -- her own space. Keep each child's own
personal things apart from shared ones.
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more articles on raising kids...
Source: American Academy of Pediatrics
The information on this Web site is designed for educational
purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for informed
medical advice or care. You should not use this information to
diagnose or treat any health problems or illnesses without
consulting your pediatrician or family doctor. Please consult a
doctor with any questions or concerns you might have regarding your
or your child's condition.
